Scene: The dinner table.
Chloe: “Mommy, I want a new baby, now. When can I get a new baby?”
Rachael: “Yeah, when can we each get a new baby?”
Mommy: “Not for a long time, not until you grow up. Then you can have a baby of your own.”
Chloe: “But I want a new baby now. Please can you get me one now?”
Mommy: “I can’t get you a baby, Chloe. Mommy’s too old. I can’t have babies any more.”
Daddy: “You guys are the end of the line. No more babies.”
Rachael (frowning): “What is the end of the line?”
Daddy: “It means you are the last two. No more of you.”
Chloe: “Well, I want a baby now. Please get it for me.”
Mommy: “You’re going to have to wait until you grow up for one. Then you can have a baby of your own.”
Chloe: “I don’t want to have one. I want you to get it for me.”
Mommy: “Why don’t you want to have one of your own?”
Chloe: “Because I don’t want them to cut me open and take it out. So you have to do it for me.”
Rachael: “I want one too. Hey, I have an idea, Chloe! Mommy can have a baby and give it to me, and Daddy can have a baby and give it to you!”
Chloe: “Yes, you can each give us a baby! Mommy will give hers to me, and Daddy can give his to Rachael!”
Rachael: “No, I want Mommy to give hers to me, and Daddy to give his to you, Chloe.”
(Argument ensues about which parent will have which baby to give to which twin. Mother distracts with question.)
Mommy: “Can Daddies have babies?”
Chloe: “Yes!”
Mommy: “All by themselves? Can they carry them in their tummies?
Chloe: “Yes! No, I mean. I forgot. I think… you have to help him.”
Rachael: (frowning) “How come you can’t each have one?”
Mommy: “You need a mommy and a daddy to make a baby.”
(Note: This Mommy apologizes for the politically and socially incorrect explanation. She will ultimately make it clear that babies can be made many ways, and that two mommies can have a baby, and two daddies can have a baby – Just like your friend Natalie, girls! – and daddies can even wear dresses and still make babies and be daddies. Mommies can even become daddies, and still have babies. And Mommies can use turkey basters – like the one we use when we roast chickens. This Mommy just needs to start with the concrete family-to-self-connection thing first. Baby steps. ;-))
Rachael: “How does that work again? I forgot. There’s an egg, and… and…”
Mommy: “A sperm.”
Rachael: “That’s it – a sperm. (frowns) How does the sperm get in the egg again?”
Mommy: “It comes out of the Daddy’s penis—“
Chloe (interrupting): “Oh no. Not that word. I don’t want to hear that word. Don’t say that part.”
Mommy: “Why?”
Chloe: “Because I already know that. I don’t want to hear that word.”
Mommy (ignoring Chloe and turning to Rachael): “The sperm goes from the Daddy’s penis into the Mommy’s vagina, and then finds an egg and goes in it. Then it grows into a baby. When you grow up, you can choose to have a baby.”
Rachael (still frowning): “But I don’t want to be cut open.”
Mommy: “Not everybody gets cut open when they have a baby. I wasn’t cut open when Anna, Ian or Gretchen was born. I had to be cut open when you were born because there were two of you, and you were really, really big.”
Rachael: “Oh. (relieved) (then frowns again) “Where does the baby come out again if you aren’t cut open?”
Chloe: “Oh, I know! Where you go pee.”
Mommy: “Well, actually, it’s just behind where you go pee, in your vagina-“
Chloe: (interrupting) ““Oh no. Not that word. I don’t want to hear that word. Don’t say that part. Don’t say that vagina word. I already know that word.”
Rachael: (frowning – goodness, is she always frowning?) “Does it hurt?”
Mommy: “Yes, but then when it’s all done, it stops hurting.”
Rachael: “What does it feel like?”
Mommy: (thoughtful pause) “It feels like having a really, really big poop.”
(Daddy chokes on his dinner. Girls dissolve into shrieks of laughter.) “Mommy said a bathroom word at the dinner table! Mommy said “Poopy! Poopy, poop, poop…”
(Time to do the dishes.)
(wiping tears of laughter away)--yes, keep at it!!!
ReplyDelete